A zombie clown named The Fonz was the leading character, villainous character if you will, that starred in the motion picture illustrated and written by none other than my subconscious one night last week. Yes, yes, I am referring to a dream I had. So, I am going to paint you a vivid picture so you too can experience the horror of a zombie clown named The Fonz. I have also decided that this is one dream that is begging to be analyzed and/or interpreted, which is a feat to anticipate.
This nightmare began in Clovis, NM, which as those of you from Clovis know that the town is a small nightmare in itself at times. But, I digress and will move on to the horrific zombie clown that stalked me during a thrilling phase of REM sleep. The zombie clown known in my dream as The Fonz was an immense creature, not unlike Arnold Schwarzenegger who probably shopped at the Big and Tall store when he was a living member of society. This zombie clown also happened to have all his make-up, clown nose, clown clothes, and clown hair in grey-scale, because when you die all the vibrant colors of your face paint and wig get sucked out of your body alongside your soul. Lastly, he was a rather mean clown, and I imagine Pennywise was a close relative of his.
The reason that The Fonz was trying to kill me and munch on my flesh was never revealed, but I am certain that he fancied me dead. I was accompanied by three friends through this death-defying (for some) journey. I cannot say I can actually identify who these friends were in my real life, but they were being hunted because of me, despite our lack of intimacy with one another. The Fonz pursued us, the quartet of acquaintances, in typical zombie form with his head and torso slightly slanted to one side because his muscles were depleted, with his arms outstretched when he attempted to capture a body part, his knees barely bending and his other joints stiff and rusty, as if he needed to oil them like that stinkin’ Tin Man. He walked, or I suppose waddled is a more appropriate choice of words, after us emitting awkward yet terrifying grunting and laughing noises. (This link will lead you to learn how to walk like a zombie, in case you need further instruction: http://www.crimespreecinema.com/2010/06/walking-dead-learn-how-to-walk-like.html.)
The Fonz chased us through the neighborhoods where you would typically witness kids frolicking about in their nicely manicured lawns, or playin’ ball with their involved fathers, but today these usually joyful streets and yards were deserted and abandoned, as bare as a celebrity’s vagina. We scurried through many neighborhood streets, just out of The Fonz’s reach, before seeking a safe haven at the very delicious Bill’s Jumbo Burger. My comrades and I hurried through the doors, hurdled over the front counter into the kitchen, a couple of us snatching up a burger on the way to replenish our energy. As I turned back I saw that The Fonz was catching up to us, climbing clumsily over the cashier counter while getting sizzling, seasoned, grass-fed beef patties hurled at him, and then came the tomatoes and yellow shredded lettuce to his revolting, grey, zombie face, but The Fonz was unfazed by this because all he desired was gushy, blood-filled brains.
We then led The Fonz to a dingy local bar. My associates and I then pulled some Coyote Ugly moves inspired by Piper Perabo by jumping atop the bar and scampering across it, moving and shaking our hips (and other appendages) whilst trying to avoid the demise of the patron’s alcoholic beverages along the way. The Fonz had apparently gotten oiled up and was waddling at a rather swift pace as he was also on the bar top, a mere twenty feet from me, which meant I was a mere twenty feet from my extermination due to him devouring my brains. I stood motionless for a moment in utter shock, as I was beyond surprised at how agile this damn zombie clown was. How could he maneuver his way on top of a bar when he can barely move any of his dusty, old joints?! I soon recovered from my moment of flabbergastedness and managed to stumble out the back door of the bar by the dumpster, where I was greeted with the tangy stench of trash, puke, and other remnants of the past night, only to notice that The Fonz had consumed two of my buddies to my great dismay. I also saw my other friend, or shall I say cowardly acquaintance, peeking his head out of the dumpster, which was evidently his new hiding spot. I then realized it was me vs. The Fonz: Zombie Clown from Hell. I quickly ran through my options: Attack him using a sharp object to pierce his body and then decapitate him; or I could start scampering around in circles in hopes of confusing the dreadful creature with my circle eights and donuts, then he would get super dizzy, stumble around, and I can run away with my super-human speed. I obviously chose the second option because I am a wuss and had a deficient number of sharp objects to choose from in order to behead The Fonz. As I was fleeing I woke up, to the Wolfman barking obnoxiously.
Now the interpretation…I learned how interpret dreams from my high school psychology teacher. She told us to write our dream down and be as descriptive as memory will allow, and once that was done, go back through and pick out the words that really stand out to you. My words are below:
Involved father (I know that’s two words, but I don’t care!)
Now, once you have your words, you then think of two or three additional words that you think of when looking at the word from your description, example below:
Villainous: evil, scary. Vibrant: bright, exciting, exhilarating.
And so on. Once you have all of your supplemental words, you go through and pick one of these additional words for each of the original words you chose from the description of the dream. Then, using the chosen additional words you create a narrative, like so:
I am scared (maybe of bears attacking me, especially when I’m menstruating) because I left a place that I felt secure in (my mother’s womb). I am now feeling overwhelmed and excited with the things that are happening in my life right now (learning how to be a ninja and surfing the internet at work), but I am also scared that these new opportunities and thrills will be taken away from me and I will be left wanting them, but without them I will be, which I know would leave me scared and down in the dumps. Despite the uncertainties that linger in my mind, I know I have a protector (maybe the Wolfman?) and a place that will always make me feel safe and secure, and this gives me energy to move on (like a 5 hour energy drink), and the motivation to reach my potential and feel satiated with my life. I know that to reach the point of being satisfied I must keeping trekking (like Dora the Explorer), even if they are small steps, and that I will come across some grimy puddles of mud, but just skip over them and not be taken aback by them. Fear will accompany me at times, but I cannot let it steal my confidence like the thief that it is, I instead must hurry along to my destiny (to being a break dancing, French-speaking, nerdy, ninja who happens to enjoy crocheting while watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians).