Dog owner vs. Mother

Beware; an epidemic is on the horizon.
I may or may not have been exaggerating the above statement. In my world, there are three recent pregnancies- two good friends and two people that although they are not anything like friends they are part of my world; two friends, one acquaintance, and one co-worker who just had babies within the past six or so months, and one baby shower is in the works for another friend. Oh, and let’s not forget one of my best friends who is perpetually rumored to be with child, although she has never actually produced a baby, I have speculated she sells them on the black market after she squirts them out, but I digress.
With all of these buns on the oven, it makes me think about babies and being a mother and all the jazz, how will I be as a mom, and so on…. I will nip any wandering thoughts in the tush right here: I do not want to get pregnant right now. But, I cannot help but think about when I do have a child, and how different it will be than having a dog.
I can’t help but wonder, will my child ‘sit pretty’ and flail their arms in order to indicate they want food, like my Wolfman does? Will I feed my child dog food since I feed my dog human food?? Will I put my child on a leash? That, I suppose, is actually more normal than the other ponderings I have had….
When I think about discipline, I think how I would repeat the word sit when Wolfman would sit down, so she knew what she was doing. Then, when I would tell her to sit and she listened she got a treat. I do not want to continue this tradition with my children, my reason being twofold: one, I would go broke (hopefully) providing treats every time my child does something I asked it to; and second I am against bribing my child (but not my dog). I also give Wolfman a treat every time she goes potty or poopers, and although my child would appreciate this in their younger years, it may get a little bit awkward in the teenage years when a 15 year old comes to me, “Mommy, I went poopers, can I get my treat?” It’s already embarrassing just to type.
Potty training. When I was house training Wolfman I would take her outside about once an hour when I was able to. I think, as a basic rule of thumb, it may be a good idea to ask my child every hour or so if they need to go potty. I would also take Wolfy out 15-20 minutes after she would eat or drink, and I think taking my future child potty after they eat or drink is also a decent idea. Now, the big question is: what will I do when my child has an accident? I’m thinking it is not a top quality idea to take their diaper or undies off and rub their nose in it…but then again it could work excellently.
The dog park…I love taking Wolfman to the dog park. She can run, play, socialize, get pet by humans, basically do everything that makes her happy, while I just sit there and watch her with a smile on my face. The only equivalent I can conjure up for a child is one of those play areas at the malls, where there are lots of colored mats, plastic play toys that children can run around, through, and on top of. I, personally, hate those play areas. Granted, I am a very anxious person so the thought of my child running around with kids who may or may not be clean, on toys that are very unlikely to be clean, in a noisy area filled with rambunctious lil jerks would not make me smile. And, if my child got pet by any humans I may flip out. Same goes for Chucky Cheese or Peter Piper, it is not the same type of relaxing environment as the dog park is, instead there are multitudes of louse noises, plenty of people who look like they could steal my child, plenty of teenagers who may push my kid out of the way so they can play the game that my child is enjoying, and so many parents not paying attention to their kids that it would drive me insane.
The conclusion I have arrived at is that having offspring is not akin to having a canine creature. I do not think that having a puppy has prepared me to produce any spawn of my own, so I will continue along my life journey with Wolfman and Wolfman alone for now. I would think that many of the parents out there agree with conclusion I have drawn, and let me know how putting your child on a leash works out….
I’m out.
*side note* I have no idea who that baby is up there, but if it's your baby, thanks for the pic as it added visual stimulation to this blog. *end of side note*

Edward v. Jacob

I have always been ‘on the fence’ as they say, between Team Edward and Team Jacob. In my logical, linear brain, the only way to solve this dilemma is to do a pros vs. cons list type of thing, or in this situation, Sparkly Vampire vs. Hot Wolf.

Edward:
+ I happen to like things that sparkle, such as a clean toilet, a nice set of chompers, diamond rings, or those little blue shimmery disks on the back of a Sparkletts van.
+ Edward is super duper strong, which could come in handy when I cross life-threatening situations, such as getting attacked by a rabid elephant.
+ Edward is very educated, as illustrated by his plethora of graduation caps.
+Edward gives intense, smoldering looks that can send shivers up and down my spine, although sometimes it kinda just looks like he just has to drop a deuce.
+ Vampires have some sweet twirly-swirly jumps and badass, ninja-esque fighting moves. And they even look cool when they’re all broken like ice or porcelain.
-Edward is as cold as ice, and I get chilled easily so he would not be conducive to me staying at room temperature.
- Edward apparently likes whiny girls like Bella, who bite their lip and stare at people’s neck instead of their eyes when talking to them.
-Edward has hot brothers so it may be difficult to keep my eyes from wandering…I mean have you seen Emmitt??
-Vampires are as hard as stone, what about play wrestling?! Play fighting with a vampire will not feel too pleasant…

Jacob:
+ I am naturally drawn to his russet colored skin, it’s warm, just like the feeling in my loins when I look at him.
+ Wolves are always warm, so when he sends shivers down my spine or gives me goosebumps, he can also warm me up. I hear it’s better if we take our clothes off, survival 101.
+ Jacob is beyond passionate, a life with passion is boring, so my life with Jacob would never be lackluster.
+ Jacob looks super adorable in wolf form, he has those sweet puppy dog eyes that get ya every time.
+ Jacob is quite good with his hands *wink wink* This was displayed by his turning those hunks of scrap metal into working motorcycles…that motorcycle engine isn’t the only things he’s good at revving up.
+ Jacob has a soft heart and hard abs.
-For a while Jacob made me feel like a perv due to his ripe, young age….I don’t like feeling like a perv.
- Jacob is young, and not as wise in the ways of the world as Edward is….
- Jacob creeped me out when he imprinted on the even creepier rapid growing, probably looks like Chucky, vampire-human spawn of Bella and Edward.
- If I pissed Jacob off I would have to be concerned about him mauling my face, not cool.

For all intensive purposes, I think I am officially Team Edward. My reason is twofold: 1) Edward and Bella belong together, as Bella is his reason for existing and Bella was born to be a vampire, 2) I want Jacob for myself. As much as I <3 Edward, he is a tad bit controlling for my taste, and I like the idea of a passionate wolf boy waiting for me by his motorcycle to drive me off into his magical world.