Edward v. Jacob

I have always been ‘on the fence’ as they say, between Team Edward and Team Jacob. In my logical, linear brain, the only way to solve this dilemma is to do a pros vs. cons list type of thing, or in this situation, Sparkly Vampire vs. Hot Wolf.

Edward:
+ I happen to like things that sparkle, such as a clean toilet, a nice set of chompers, diamond rings, or those little blue shimmery disks on the back of a Sparkletts van.
+ Edward is super duper strong, which could come in handy when I cross life-threatening situations, such as getting attacked by a rabid elephant.
+ Edward is very educated, as illustrated by his plethora of graduation caps.
+Edward gives intense, smoldering looks that can send shivers up and down my spine, although sometimes it kinda just looks like he just has to drop a deuce.
+ Vampires have some sweet twirly-swirly jumps and badass, ninja-esque fighting moves. And they even look cool when they’re all broken like ice or porcelain.
-Edward is as cold as ice, and I get chilled easily so he would not be conducive to me staying at room temperature.
- Edward apparently likes whiny girls like Bella, who bite their lip and stare at people’s neck instead of their eyes when talking to them.
-Edward has hot brothers so it may be difficult to keep my eyes from wandering…I mean have you seen Emmitt??
-Vampires are as hard as stone, what about play wrestling?! Play fighting with a vampire will not feel too pleasant…

Jacob:
+ I am naturally drawn to his russet colored skin, it’s warm, just like the feeling in my loins when I look at him.
+ Wolves are always warm, so when he sends shivers down my spine or gives me goosebumps, he can also warm me up. I hear it’s better if we take our clothes off, survival 101.
+ Jacob is beyond passionate, a life with passion is boring, so my life with Jacob would never be lackluster.
+ Jacob looks super adorable in wolf form, he has those sweet puppy dog eyes that get ya every time.
+ Jacob is quite good with his hands *wink wink* This was displayed by his turning those hunks of scrap metal into working motorcycles…that motorcycle engine isn’t the only things he’s good at revving up.
+ Jacob has a soft heart and hard abs.
-For a while Jacob made me feel like a perv due to his ripe, young age….I don’t like feeling like a perv.
- Jacob is young, and not as wise in the ways of the world as Edward is….
- Jacob creeped me out when he imprinted on the even creepier rapid growing, probably looks like Chucky, vampire-human spawn of Bella and Edward.
- If I pissed Jacob off I would have to be concerned about him mauling my face, not cool.

For all intensive purposes, I think I am officially Team Edward. My reason is twofold: 1) Edward and Bella belong together, as Bella is his reason for existing and Bella was born to be a vampire, 2) I want Jacob for myself. As much as I <3 Edward, he is a tad bit controlling for my taste, and I like the idea of a passionate wolf boy waiting for me by his motorcycle to drive me off into his magical world.